Rubbish joke thread

[JamesM]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Shouldn't have let the horses have first go!!! :mrgreen: :facepalm:

 

[David B]

Alternatively:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

.....and that's when he called Claims Direct.

David

 

[chrisv40]

I went to see the Red Arrows today.

There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.

 

[al]

Buckingham palace have confirmed that unless they receive a FULL apology from the French magazine, they will be going ahead with the planned release of topless pictures of Camilla.





Now that can't offend people as I didn't say anything about shooting the old boiler.

al.

 

[al]

You know what makes me smile?








Facial muscles.


al.

 

[Drewson]

whats got four legs and sits in the corner going ssssshhhhhh?











rod hull's telly......

Shouldn't laugh but my favourite...

Was clearing out the attic with the wife the other day....filthy, dirty, covered in cobwebs......






....but she's good with the kids
(Tommy Cooper....a legend)

Did you hear about the magic tractor?




It turned into a field............

Thank you...good night

 

[B77]

I'm going have give up my solid gold butt plug business because I'm being sued by apple.
Seems they have the monopoly on overpriced crap for assholes.

 

[Retro Cat]

What did the constipated Maths teacher do?

Work it out with a pencil

Where do Mathematical ships sail?

Indices

What's the definition of a protractor?

A tractor that's lost its amateur status

 

[chrisv40]

Getting the new iPhone 5 was like wedding my 2nd wife - practically the same as the old one but bigger and f@@@ing useless with maps

 

[NAILTRAIL96]

Whats the difference between a duck?


One of his legs is both the same.


EDIT: Removed jokes on dodgy ground :? (Mod)