Going out on a limb here.

[Alison]

I've been so worried all day, every one else has had the computer today, about what I wrote. The History Man said posting when drunk is dangerous, I'll add posting when so emotional is dangerous A few times in 21 years I've got the worst end of the stick, but verbally I've given a lot too. To the person who said how can something so trivial get so bad? i don't know it just did :shock: as to violence in a relationship I don't think it's acceptable from either quarter, but in our case it's few and far between, I just happen to be the weaker of the two

Alison

It is never right Alison but if it becomes a habit it can be a hard one to break.

The first serious relationship of my adult life ended because of domestic violence. We lived together for five years but the last two were a hellish time because of it as it became more and more common. This however was the type that isn't reported often but is more common than people think. I was the victim of my girlfriends violence, she was suffering from depression due to eating disorders and when drunk though nothing of lashing out and attacking me when we argued, normally started by her being a jealous person. I was brought up to never hit a woman and I'm proud to say I never have. To this day I have a scar on my face where I was punched hard in the face as I slept.

If nothing else you have to speak to someone you trust face to face. You can in time start to believe everyone has that type of argument escalation, they don't.

Sorry if that sounds like I'm lecturing but you need to work it out as you have children and a family is a wonderful thing to have.

I guess this is the thing. I once called my GP because Dom hit me so hard I couldn't put my glasses on, I was in the middle of a serious mental problem and was using the only way of dealing with it, it came out as verbal and aggressive I used serious self harm also to deal with it to the point I collapsed many times to have almost a full body transfusion. This is a situation that any man would find almost impossible to cope with, let alone finding me almost comatosed after an overdose. I would kill me if I was him for what I've put him through. We are both to blame, it's just he forgets that he can inflict so much more injury to me than I can ever inflict to him.

Alison

 

[Jamiedyer]

Not usually one to comment in these off topic conversations but Alison, truely, its not acceptable, theres no excuses. Its also something the kids, if aware of it, will remember forever. Speak to someone.

Jamie

 

[highlandsflyer]

I would have to don my serious hat on this and suggest talking to the relevant authorities. Domestic violence is not acceptable, regardless of how seldom it occurs.

 

[Chopper the ex Copper]

I'm not gonna preach Ali - you know it's wrong and you shouldn't have to put up with it. You know what you should do, and I'd rather you did before you became a statistic, but you're an intelligent grown up so its your call. Just promise us all that you'll think it over.

Now, back to my normal pastime of rubbing The History Man up he wrong way...

 

[The History Man]

For once I agree with your last.

God that hurt.

 

[Chopper the ex Copper]

Pah. It hurt me more!

 

[Raging_Bulls]

Now, back to my normal pastime of rubbing The History Man up he wrong way...

For once I agree with your last.

Get a room !

 

[greenstiles]

Alison, your husband might be repeating behavior from what his parents did or how he was treated as a child...........you would both benefit from getting this out in the open with the correct people, your relationship could be a better one for both of you if you both seek the correct advice........you may have to do this yourself if your husband does not want to face up to things right now ...........good luck.

 

[Alison]

Alison, your husband might be repeating behavior from what his parents did or how he was treated as a child...........you would both benefit from getting this out in the open with the correct people, your relationship could be a better one for both of you if you both seek the correct advice........you may have to do this yourself if your husband does not want to face up to things right now ...........good luck.

Actually his childhood was quite good, although his parents split when he was about three, his mum brought them up well, she was no more than the odd pat on the bum sort, she was a bitter and twisted woman as far as her ex husband was concerned but she was never aggressive with the children, and his dad is a really wonderful man. No, I've known him from playgroup and used to stay at their house in the school summer holidays. OK is mum is a bit weird and can't stand me, thinks her son could have done so much better, she was sooo angry when we said we were getting married and will never forgive me for destroying her son's potential :roll: I can be a really nasty person too when angry, saying things I really feel shit about afterwords. the thing is 99.9 times out of ten everything is hunky dory, then it's not I think the answer is never to discuss opinions.

Thanks for all the support it's meant a lot.

Alison

 

[velomaniac]

Simple approach to a happy relationship if your a man, default setting: I'm wrong/its my fault. Once you get that sorted in your head its easy
Not saying I've always lived by that mantra as I'm a divorcee but my ex believed in an opposite stance to whatever mine was even if I was agreeing with her :facepalm:
Nobody can live with anyone else without losing the head sometimes, we're all different. I'm actually suspicious of couples who never argue, it makes me think they're on happy drugs or something :?