Carlos Santana

[Corblimeyguv]

Re:

I've been remanded in custody for assaulting a B&Q employee !

The magistrate asked me what the circumstances were so I explained.

"I was walking up the laminate wood aisle and this guy in an orange vest asked me if I wanted flooring, so I hit him first" !

Self-defence innit ??

 

[The History Man]

I do not have a tidying OCD.



I just wanted to clear that up.

 

[Corblimeyguv]

Re:

I used to have a fingernail cleanliness obsession.


I've washed my hands of that.

 

[incorrigible]

Re:

No need to be condescending...









By the way, "condescending means "having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority".

Uh...you're welcome...

 

[Corblimeyguv]

Re:

Not long before my late grandfather died, we smothered his back in lard.

He went downhill quickly after that.

 

[Corblimeyguv]

Re:

Also, a good friend of mine was attacked on his doorstep by a 6ft tall stag beetle.

I did warn him there was a nasty bug goin' around.

 

[Corblimeyguv]

Re:

Finally, a neighbour was attacked whilst out walking by a 12ft wide spiked ring of fire the other day.

Well, it's a vicious circle...

 

[Markybeau]

Re:

So a steak pie in Jamaica is £2.50
In the Bahamas it's £3
In Cuba an apple pie is £2.79
In Haiti a cherry pie is £4

These are the Pie-rates of the Caribbean

 

[The History Man]

Re:

I found a box of German sausages in my garden.







It was the wurst case scenario.

 

[Corblimeyguv]

Re:

A guy walks into his local A&E with a steering wheel wedged down the front of his trousers.
The receptionist asked him "How did THAT get stuck down there" ?

He replied :
"I dunno, but it's driving me nuts"!