What is your best answer to spam calls

[SNAKEBITER]

I've had a few corkers, sometimes I try and sell them a car, sometimes I try to enrol them in an imaginary cult but the best one was where this bloke asked me if I had £500 would I put it towards windows, loft conversion or a porch.
I said I'd have a porch as I had always wanted one.
When asked why I said because my Ford Mondeo was getting a bit tired..............

 

[Charlieboy28]

we recently changed our home phone number after getting so many nuisance calls so i dont even know what the new number is.

As we use mobiles we havent even given this number to anyone

Now all of our calls are for Mr or Mrs Harrison which we still must get 3 or 4 a day.

Sooo confident that none of the calls are actually for me, i answer the phone using my best demented chinese mexican voice ( adopt a deep growl and say you want fooky fooky amigo, and you get the idea) .

I now actually look forward to these calls, which for some reason are now diminishing in frequency.

My 5 year old will also answer the phone and blow raspberrys to his great amusement.

hours of fun

 

[NeilM]

I was hoping to find some decent responses here, as despite subscribing to the TPS, we still get loads of 'free loft insulation' calls. When I tell them I work in the building trade and have as much loft insulation as I can possibly fit in there, they usually put the phone down, but fail to take my number off of their system, so a few days later I get the same thing again. I may try the 'talk dirty' line next time

When I worked in a very small company for a while, there were three of us in the same office, and whenever we got these types of calls we would play 'pass the cold call', a game where you transfer the call to another person, claiming you are putting them through to 'facilities'. Each time the next person picks up, they put on a different voice and answer with the wrong department "hello transport. Oh sorry mate, you need facilities, I'll transfer you"..... " Hello accounts, no, we don't buy the phone systems for the company, you need facilities. Hang on, I'll just transfer you".....

We were able to keep this up for quite some time, although the really persistent callers did start to stretch the imagination for new fictitious departments.

 

[jamabikes]

i told a ppi prat that i have never had a bank account as i live in a tent in the woods.

i told bt that i didn't want to upgrade my phone tarriff as i no longer have a land line. to which they responded by saying they were sorry to bother me.

 

[gibbleking]

so far...
1.hang on ..ill get the missus...puts phone on kitchen table and leaves it there for an hour.
2.how did you get this number...its cid and were busy..
3.posh mad old geezer plus accent ..and no marbles.
4.lybian hq for the repatriation of holy warriors inc
5.gaddafi airlines(for that quick trip) how can we liberate you?...
6.a gi in a battlezone...nod to website where you can dl back tracks of large gunfights...
7.my last one phoned during a cycling lesson....i got every one round the phone while i tore the guy a new one while they all cheered in the background...



can you tell ive had a few...



my next is going to be the hq for the vlf...(vegetable liberation front)...

 

[gerryattrick]

My 86 year old father finds that "f*#k off" works a treat.

 

[legrandefromage]

'Mr Grainger?'

yes?

'Its about your washing machine guarantee'

<looks at 10 year old washing machine>

You're daft!

<click... brrrrr>

 

[mountainbikerjohnnyb]

"Sorry, I can't talk at the moment. But if you give me your home number, I'll call you back later."

Which usually gets a response along the lines that "We do not take business calls at home, sir."

Which lets me use "So what makes you think I want to?"

Or they open with "This is a call about your computer..." To which I respond "I don't own a computer. Goodbye." I am, in this case, telling the truth. The computer belongs to work.

I am going to use that next time they call

 

[JamesM]

If they open with "How are you today?" I tell them, that can take a while!!!