Re:
I look at what is good, I’ve come to the conclusion that my my combat stress/ptsd/ farttoofuckinglonginastateofhypervigilance has reprogrammed part of my body and I accept this.
Aspects of my life have and are pretty dire but these are episodes in the long running series of Joe’s World.
Life is difficult but there’s a joy in every aspect, I go through periods where I wake up super early I changed my fear of these by renaming them “mega-lie ins” or
100% useful time. I find myself crying a fair bit too especially when I’m driving alone.
Above all I recognise 2 things, firstly the mantra “ I’m not being shot at,sinking or on fire so that’s ok” pops into head, because I have shown to myself the extraordinary limits I have been to then I don’t have to keep checking or micromanage parts of my life that are self destructive I leave that alone.
My close friend Will died on 20th of December from a cancer borne of a muscular injury, a man so dedicated to his art and surfing, ironically a surfboard injury.
Bill and I had many adventures, heavy nights , went through the whole spectrum of emotional experiences life was chucking at us.
We played lots of music, wrote great poems and held each other in respect.
At 37 he ran out of steam, too much art left undone. I think of Bill a lot, remind myself of his request to “ look after your dad” ( they were both diagnosed with cancer within months of each other) but above all remember the chorus line in what I feel is one of Bills best songs
>>->Embrace your Freedom <-<<
Realise this - We are alive, we can hug a big rock if we want to, we can do anything we want because we have freedom.
>>—>
http://www.littlearrow.co.uk/
Ps worth checking out the videos
