Missing my dad
- Thread starter joe careless
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torqueless
Senior Retro Guru
Re:
My Dad died last year. For me, 'sorting the shed' is spending time in his personal space.... and it can be a fairly toxic space.. physically and emotionally. About a month ago I discovered the stabiliser wheels from my first bike. Stored for fifty years. WTF? I don't think he was sentimental. In fact I'm not so sure he didn't store these astonishing irrational collections of tat specifically to vex me and mess with my head after he was gone.
I wouldn't mind so much if he hadn't thrown out my Mafac 2000s and Cinelli 66s, and more, thirty years ago, without a word. Never apologised. Pretended he couldn't remember.
I don't remember ever having had a conversation with him about anything. If he ever said anything to me, it was invariably in the form of a diktat.. but he never thought thirty years ago to issue any diktat along the lines of: "Come and pick up your stuff or it's going down the dump."
Anyhow.. I feel like I've got a few things to save and a lot of things to let go of...physically and emotionally..
...know what I mean?
My Dad died last year. For me, 'sorting the shed' is spending time in his personal space.... and it can be a fairly toxic space.. physically and emotionally. About a month ago I discovered the stabiliser wheels from my first bike. Stored for fifty years. WTF? I don't think he was sentimental. In fact I'm not so sure he didn't store these astonishing irrational collections of tat specifically to vex me and mess with my head after he was gone.
I wouldn't mind so much if he hadn't thrown out my Mafac 2000s and Cinelli 66s, and more, thirty years ago, without a word. Never apologised. Pretended he couldn't remember.
I don't remember ever having had a conversation with him about anything. If he ever said anything to me, it was invariably in the form of a diktat.. but he never thought thirty years ago to issue any diktat along the lines of: "Come and pick up your stuff or it's going down the dump."
Anyhow.. I feel like I've got a few things to save and a lot of things to let go of...physically and emotionally..
...know what I mean?
lensmansteve
Kona Fan
My dad died suddenly 14 years ago, and I wish I'd expressed more thanks to him for everything he did for me. Could have been worse, we had a few times when we found it hard to be together at all. At least we were well past that phase. Father/son relationships are often problematic.
On the subject of sheds, tools etc- my dad was an engineer, and there were a few tools that I remembered him using way back, when I was a little kid. Knew I couldn't bear to see them around- so I put them in his old RAF toolbag and asked the undertaker to put them by his feet in the coffin. He understood, said he'd had that sort of request before.. I often think of my dad when I have an engineering problem to solve- it often seems to help too..
On the subject of sheds, tools etc- my dad was an engineer, and there were a few tools that I remembered him using way back, when I was a little kid. Knew I couldn't bear to see them around- so I put them in his old RAF toolbag and asked the undertaker to put them by his feet in the coffin. He understood, said he'd had that sort of request before.. I often think of my dad when I have an engineering problem to solve- it often seems to help too..
Re: Re:
I had Parents, I never had a Mother and Father, I was told at an early age I was a mistake, and treated as such all my life, when I went back to bury my Father I found that every single thing that was part of me, from birth had been disposed of, nothing in the house to show I had existed.
People need to remember not everyone has a family.
On the other hand, i have treated my WANTED and PLANNED three sons 100% different, treating them totally opposite to the way I was treated, funny, the two eldest could not steal enough from me, treated me as bad as my parents and left, i have not heard from them in 10 years.
My youngest, also like me, Autistic is as close to me as I am to him, we cuddle every day and share the same house.
IF YOU, anyone have "family" and care about each other YOU are lucky, make the most of it
torqueless":300n2h25 said:
I had Parents, I never had a Mother and Father, I was told at an early age I was a mistake, and treated as such all my life, when I went back to bury my Father I found that every single thing that was part of me, from birth had been disposed of, nothing in the house to show I had existed.
People need to remember not everyone has a family.
On the other hand, i have treated my WANTED and PLANNED three sons 100% different, treating them totally opposite to the way I was treated, funny, the two eldest could not steal enough from me, treated me as bad as my parents and left, i have not heard from them in 10 years.
My youngest, also like me, Autistic is as close to me as I am to him, we cuddle every day and share the same house.
IF YOU, anyone have "family" and care about each other YOU are lucky, make the most of it
joe careless
Senior Retro Guru
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Almost a year,I found myself staring at a parcel addressed to my that arrived in the post other day not really sure of it’s contents, having momentarily wondered what random thing had the old man sent me, I remembered the replacement UCO lantern glass I’d ordered and sense kicked back in. Nearly everyday I experience a range of thoughts, say hello to him when I see a rainbow ( he liked rainbows) and find myself sitting at his old desk sometimes just smelling it or the contents of his leather work tin.
I bumble along and trying to reconnect with my mum a bit more, forge better working life and buying 5 1/2 acres of woodland has been the wisest healing I could have.
I’m going to Norway in two weeks, wish I’d known I could have travelled by train there as I always worry I’ll lose my kit when I fly!! Random but I travelled by sea a lot it just feels better slower.
2018/19 was a tough 12 months but I didn’t break just bowed and sagged, and now? We’ll see
I bumble along and trying to reconnect with my mum a bit more, forge better working life and buying 5 1/2 acres of woodland has been the wisest healing I could have.
I’m going to Norway in two weeks, wish I’d known I could have travelled by train there as I always worry I’ll lose my kit when I fly!! Random but I travelled by sea a lot it just feels better slower.
2018/19 was a tough 12 months but I didn’t break just bowed and sagged, and now? We’ll see
Nearly 18 months on we still haven't cleared the shed or garage of his old stuff (taken a few bits as we've needed them but not really made a dent) which my mum has no realy use or need of. It will take a while as there is a lot of it and questions will be asked of who is taking what which we don't really want to have. Maybe hit some of it on Sunday when we are there for lunch.
Mum talks about internment and I've said he should go where she feel right as that's where she'll be going too.
I still can't properly look at pictures or even write this without filling up.
Life does go on and you carry on normally just to be reminded as times (like a certain song that came on the radio as I was leaving the hospital after his passing, I often play at roller discos and it never fails to not have an impact) that's it's sort on not complete.
Mum talks about internment and I've said he should go where she feel right as that's where she'll be going too.
I still can't properly look at pictures or even write this without filling up.
Life does go on and you carry on normally just to be reminded as times (like a certain song that came on the radio as I was leaving the hospital after his passing, I often play at roller discos and it never fails to not have an impact) that's it's sort on not complete.
Re:
I lost my dad the week of my 8th birthday. I was the eldest of 3. My sister was 10 months old. For what time I had I was very lucky. I don't remember much now but I do remember that we 3 and my mum were everything to him. It took many years to deal with. I still think of him every day.
I lost my dad the week of my 8th birthday. I was the eldest of 3. My sister was 10 months old. For what time I had I was very lucky. I don't remember much now but I do remember that we 3 and my mum were everything to him. It took many years to deal with. I still think of him every day.
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