Carlos Santana

[The History Man]

Walked past the fridge earlier. Thought I could hear the veg singing beegees songs.



But it was just the chives talking.

 

[The History Man]

What has five toes but isn't your foot?






My foot.

 

[fiendish feet]

Two goldfish in a tank
One say's to the other .....




How do you drive this thing ..

 

[xerxes]

Re:

Two parrots on a perch, one says to the other "can you smell fish?".

 

[2manyoranges]

Re:

(In a Texan accent)

Have ya’all heard about Brown Paper Pete?

Nope

Got hung south of the border

What for?

Rustling....

 

[The History Man]

The manager came over to me in my local Indian restaurant yesterday evening.

"Good evening sir, curry okay?" he asked,

I said "No thanks, I can’t sing on a full stomach."

 

[fiendish feet]

A man walks into a cafe with a goldfish under his arm
He asks the owner “do you sell fish cakes?”

The owner says no !
The man says “That’s a shame. It’s his birthday today.”

 

[The History Man]

Re:

Told Mrs hm I got a job in a bowling alley. She said “ten pin?”





I said “ no it’s permanent.”

 

[The History Man]

Re:

I was walking down the street the other day when a man said he was going to beat me to death with the neck of a guitar.

I said "is that a fret?"

 

[The History Man]

Re:

I'm looking for a new job as I can’t keep working at the cattery.

The owners have reduced meowers.