I know just how you feel, I'm stuck drinking in a bar in Phily 3500miles away from my mrs, bored out of my brains (I'm surfing on my 'sidekick' blackberry type thing at the mo').
As far as numpty lbs stories the only ones that springs to mind are;
1) a fella dressed head to toe in black lyrca walked into the shop I worked in 10 years ago with another fella similarly dressed, both with large handle bar moustaches (if you get what I'm getting at - as my mother puts it, 'they were special friends'). First lycra fella says to me (in the biggest dick emery voice ever) 'we need bike sto go with our outfits, what you got in black?' it took a long trip out to the stock room to compose my straight face (if straight is the right word to use with a story like that)
2) martin clunes (from men behaving badly fame) walks in, wants to buy a marin sausilito (hydrid type thing), asks for a test ride. I say fine as long as he leaves his wallet, he hands over the wallet and then jumps on the bike and then tries to ride it around the shop until I tell him he can try it outside! How art imitates life-bloody nice bloke though, spent a good hour signing mbb books for everyone in the shop afterwards
Pete