Life update......
Left education, I loved the actual job but the people, politics, dick swinging and lying, mixed with playing piggy in the middle and being on less money than new lecturers with less experience and qualifications led to me inadvertently handing in my notice mid March. Luckilynivw some very good friends with people in places and I'm now in a job that's got very little stress compared to being a college lecturer, sure there's it's own issues and frustrations but overall and with time I now feel so much more chilled and happier. Its still taking some adjustments mentally and emotionally and although my monthly income has gone down, but not by much tbh, the 100 quid a month difference has made me less anxious about stuff. I'm more in control of me, and have refound some motivation for tinkering and doing stuff.
Moral here is, keep going, if you can change anything that may or will help you, go for it. The initial jumpers scary as hell but not long afterwards a new sense of direction and ambition is just enough to keep you going over the edge, IMHO.
one love xxxx
Chris