Splitting up with my wife and kids any good advice ?

[silverclaws]

I understand full well why you are here asking this question, for I know the feelings that are present in that situation, for I have been there myself.You say you have been to Relate on your own but your wife is so far refusing to go, then my advice is keep going and maybe in time your wife will come too, I say this as I did the same when my marriage broke, I was the one that sought relate and attended several sessions before my wife realised I was making an effort to save the marriage and she came too. Relate worked we sorted a lot out, even identified the problem, we had a few years of happy marriage, but eventually it broke again, ptsd was to blame, only that it was not recognised as that at the time, only later when permanent damage had been done. It has taken me over four years to recover from that break up and I am still not for relationships again yet, can't handle the worry.

Relate says the biggest problem in the failure of partnerships is communication, go to Relate and learn what you need to do to get your wife there, for you really don't want to go down the break up route, for it is soul destroying, and with me the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, something I never want to relive again.

 

[silverclaws]

:? stupid computer

 

[johntheboy]

God this brings it back. Happened to me 20 years ago wife left taking daughter with her saying she did not love me anymore, turns out she had been seeing some other F***ER for months, I did not even see it coming! She was the one that cleared off and she still ended up with the house the car and my daughter and she got maintenence. Very hard time for a while but it might make you feel better that in fact it was the best thing she ever done for me. I realaised what a moaning bitch she was and I was much happier without the cow. Now adays I have been with my present partner for the last 19 years and never been happier. The ex wife well shes on her own after many failed relationships and shes still a unhappy sad cow. Even our daughter has moved to NZ to get away from her, and me and the other half have nice hols in NZ now.
So I know this is a dark time for you but try and be strong, try relate if its helping you, but this could be the begining of a new life for you. What ever you do do not lose touch with your kids after all they are half you and none of this is their fault.

 

[longun]

sorry to here this fella,all i can advise is keep it friendly and dont let the ex stop you seeing the kids,its happened to a few mates and family and will tear you apart motr than losing your wife.

hopefully youll both sort it out ,its hard times like this that could make you stronger or open new ventures and opotunities.

sounds hard but try not to dwell on the negatives.

 

[Easy_Rider]

Sorry to hear that, and I echo others advice. I just cannot help but feel sorry for the kids, 8 and 4 are very young to see mum and dad split up
I know you must have their best interests at heart and must love em to bits, but if you could just get her to undertand that splitting will affect the kids it might convince her to go to councelling.

 

[Neil G]

I spilt recently with my partner of 6 years and it was the best thing I ever did...life does go on and often it can be way, way better.

No kids involved though for me so not as hard, all I can say is do the best for them as I saw my parents split etc. and it was pretty ugly at times.

Good luck, hope it all works out

 

[sylus]

I met my now ex wife at 12..married at 18 ,we stayed married till 35

but the last few years we had serious money worries, following her mothers death she got into a spiral of credit cards bank loans and store cards...I worked nights so never saw what was going on and she hid all the mail..totalled into the tens of thousands

I had to get promoted from the job i loved into management to get the money we needed to just keep our heads above water. The last few years we managed to get rid of the debt but i hated every single day and the stress made me realise I had been taken for a mug...but we had such a past and had a kid that we needed to sort it out between us

the divorce and final split got very messy and it took about a year before we even spoke without a solicitor..as usual..the bloke seems to make the changes so i left..without a penny to my name nowhere to live and nothing to put into it even if i did

after 2 years my ex wife and i became good mates again..i started dating ..she started dating and now we even meet up now and again with our new partners

the bit your at..the shitty bit..will pass..might not feel like it will at the momment..but it will

at the centre of this is the kids...and when you get to a stage where you want to punch walls..do so..but never near, around or infront of the kids, never slag thier mum off no matter how you feel

How you handle things will be remembered by them..take the positives they offer and remember they love you.

you will find a way forward..with or without your wife..but you will find a way

chin up chap

 

[biggs682]

great thing to go through , i got asked to leave at 7pm dec 28 2003 and i was expected to just turn around and walk away with nothing from 7 yrs and a 3 yr old daughter , so my advice go and see a GOOD solicitor just for your own sake .

 

[rosstheboss]

the bit your at..the shitty bit..will pass..might not feel like it will at the momment..but it will

at the centre of this is the kids...and when you get to a stage where you want to punch walls..do so..but never near, around or infront of the kids, never slag thier mum off no matter how you feel

How you handle things will be remembered by them..take the positives they offer and remember they love you.

you will find a way forward..with or without your wife..but you will find a way

chin up chap

I met my wife a few months after she was separated from her husband at the time, after the initial split things settled down but the divorce caused a hell of a lot of stress for everyone involved. I had to constantly remind my wife that things would get better, they were, very slowly, but there was a kick in the teeth around most corners as different aspects of the divorce panned out. Eventually it was sorted though and well, life moves on. It was an incredibly stressful time even for me, and I wasn't the one getting divorced!!!

Looking back it's easier said than done to 'keep your chin/stiff upper lip/it'll keep better don't worry' but it's definitely true, and Sylus words I've quoted pretty much sum up what I've seen and experienced first hand. Things do get better, it just takes time and patience (a lot of patience!), and above all, look after the kids. My wife has now 9 and 13yo boys who were 4 and 8 when the divorce was going through, the younger one doesn't greatly remember it but the older one was upset quite deeply by it. Again, he's ok now but it's certainly affected his relationship with his dad.

Good luck buddy