Funny or strange bike shop stories.....staff or customers !

[dyna-ti]

Hanging about the LBS drinking all their coffee and in wanders a junkie with a kids bike with the saddle dangerously high ,must have had less than an inch in the tube,he had a puncture and wanted it fixed,he was in some state ,slurring his speech and looked like he would collapse at any second,the stink of heroin fresh on his breath.
anyway the boss had popped out to the shops and only his timid wife was in the shop with me.
The scumbag wandered about after he was told to wait till boss got back,and in full view of me but with his back to her to stuffs a £30 kryptonite down his trousers :shock: ,i nip back shop to warn karen and to call the cops but he wanders out saying he'll be back in ten minuets to pick up the bike
I aint touching him myself
So the boss returns and we tell him what happened,duly call the cops and await the arrival of both parties
He turns up first holding the lock in his hand[i honestly thought he was about to offer to sell it to us ]but he put it on the counter slurring,'thats my lock ,i'll just put it here' :shock:
Cops then turn up and he starts spluttering he got it in the bike shop down the road[the other shop is 3 miles away an Olympic runner couldnt have made it in ten mins']
He was taken away and lost his bike and his liberty

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What i find most disturbing is the amount of dads bringing in the kids bikes for punctures and other minor fixes.
What happened to a great engineering Country,i remember ol' dad fixing my bike ,truing the wheels,fixing punctures and the like.And he hated bikes and had never had one, yet was able to work out how to fix things.

 

[Geoff]

This thread is great!

PSML at LGF's 2nd and 3rd ones.

 

[Carlos the Slackal]

Copied and pasted from a thread about Endorphins...

As sold to Scary Spice;

In she strolled. My shop was in Covent Garden, so nothing odd about "celebrity" customers. We just treated them as anyone else.

She asked "What's your most comfortable bike? I want to buy one for my husband"

I pointed out some mid market, but good, bouncy bikes.

She asked "Are they the most expensive bike you have?"

I said, "No"

She said, "What is?"

I pointed out the Pro Racing WC. £3,499 worth of top end hard core XC race weapon. I said, "It's expensive, but hardly designed for comfort!"

She said, "Most expensive in the shop? I'll take it. Now, what else do I need?"

About £6,000 or so later, she left the shop.


About a week or so later, the aforementioned husband was kicked out. He even made it on to the front page of the Sun, under the headline, "On your bike!". On the aforementioned bike.

I wonder where that bike went.....Would have been hardly touched.

And another. Yours truly was leaning on a vast cabinet of Oakley sunglasses, on a quiet afternoon. In walked a chav/ned/scally type.

Chav - "'ere mate, you got any Oakleys?"

Self - "But of course, sir" *Points at aforementioned cabinet of optical delights*

Chav - "Nah, man, OAKLEYS, innit?"

Self - "I'm sorry, but this is pretty much the full range that they currently produce, look, we've ever got some snow camo specials in...."

Chav - "Sunglasses? You what? I want to buy some Oakleys. You know, stickers"

Self - *Silence*



I have plenty more, will try and find time to post a few later on!

 

[TheGreenRabbit]

Was working in a low-end store in Manchester and turned up at work after my day off.

"You have to call this customer up - he's not happy about something. He's called Mr Lyon."

Don't understand what all the smirking was about.... And I certainly didn't remember any Mr Lyon. But anyway, I ring the number

Switchboard "Chester Zoo. Which department?"

Me (still not quite awake) "Don't know. I have to speak to Mr Lyon".

Goes and gets a sweeping brush to sweep the 5 colleagues who were rolling on the floor with laughter up.

If it was Mr C Lyon, he is at Blackpool Zoo, whell thats were I called to speek to him.

 

[Carlos the Slackal]

Was working in a low-end store in Manchester and turned up at work after my day off.

"You have to call this customer up - he's not happy about something. He's called Mr Lyon."

Don't understand what all the smirking was about.... And I certainly didn't remember any Mr Lyon. But anyway, I ring the number

Switchboard "Chester Zoo. Which department?"

Me (still not quite awake) "Don't know. I have to speak to Mr Lyon".

Goes and gets a sweeping brush to sweep the 5 colleagues who were rolling on the floor with laughter up.

If it was Mr C Lyon, he is at Blackpool Zoo, whell thats were I called to speek to him.

OK, time for another.....!

While running a shop in Southampton way back when, a friend ran a surf clothing shop up the road. His girlfriend of the time was working at Quasar (One of those laserquest versions of paintball thingies). We hatched a plan.

I picked up the phone.

"Jah, gutten tag, my name is Professor von Ernst of zee University of Southampton Animal Behaviour unit"

"Erm, hello...."

"I vould like to be booking zee Quasar laser fighting experience please"

"Erm, OK.....when for?"

"Tuesday afternoon. But, zis is crucial, jah? I will need to reserved the whole establishment for my experiment. I am working on a thesis regarding chimpanzees in simulated combat environments and I would like to uise your facility as a part of this"

Eventually, after about ten minutes of my most Germanic of accents, she gave in, accepted I was real and made the booking.

Later that afternoon, her boyfriend rang up to ask if he and his mates could get a game in on Tuesday afternoon.

"Afraid not, it's fully booked out. You're never going to believe this but....."

 

[gibbleking]

im very happy i dont work in a shop....not sure i could deal with the numpties.....on a brighter note i am allowed to yell at the pupils in my lessons....hehehehe

 

[dbmtb]

Who else has been offered sex in exchange for a discount?

And on a similar theme...but not the same shop

Last store I worked in was the only place in town that made any kind of effort with clothing and bikes for women, so we had a LOT of female customers. We were very pleased to get a female employee so we no longer had to answer "does my bum look big in this?" kind of questions...

And then there was the girl I made so relaxed with the way I served her, that she accidentally showed me EVERYTHING while trying on a pair of shorts...

Denmark ain't the UK folks.

 

[REKIBorter]

Marshalls Cycles, WGC.

Hanging around the back room workshop drinking tea and munching biscuits with the staff, one of them leaves the room to serve a customer, meanwhile we grab his lunchbox and proceed to fill his home made sandwiches with hand cleanser out of the wall dispenser. Didn't hang around long enough to see but apparently his reaction to the first bite was explosive.

 

[cannondale king]

Who else has been offered sex in exchange for a discount?

i did once but i was working in a bar at the time and she looked really hot        work out ok too

 

[rc300]

I was dealing with a shop owner in the workshop when a woman came to the counter and asked the young lad...

"Hi do you sell any of them cameltoe's?"

I spat my tea over the owner and started crying with laughter!
Lucky the young lad didn't get it! :cry: :shock: