Carlos Santana

[The History Man]

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

 

[dyna-ti]

 

[bagpuss]

Re:

.

 

[bagpuss]

Re:

One for BMW 320 auto owners.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9t3XBXmtgQ

 

[The History Man]

My girlfriend told me she wanted to weigh a pie she’d made but didn’t have any scales, and didn’t know where to take it.


So I said I’d take it somewhere over the rainbow...

 

[The History Man]

Re:

That’s, what my heart, yearns for now.......

 

[The History Man]

I've been helping Art Garfunkel extend his kitchen, and was putting the concrete down for the floor but there was loads of air pockets in it so it was all uneven. I ended up putting some white goods over the top to hide it.

Now he's got a fridge over bubbled mortar.

 

[Oldskool13]

Re:

I went to the Doctor the other day. I said "Every time I press my left knee it hurts. And every time I press my right knee it hurts, in fact no matter where I press my body it hurts. What can it be?
He replied


"You've broken your finger"

 

[Oldskool13]

Re:

A man goes into the Doctors and says "Doctor I keep thinking I'm mouth organ"
The Doctor replies "That's odd we had a woman in earlier with the same complaint"

"Ah, replied the man, that'll be our Monica"

 

[shedobits]

Re:

Best done in a Tommy Cooper voice:

Went to the doctor the other day, he said "Jump up on the table", I said "Why, what's the matter"? "Nothing I want to sweep up".

I 'phoned the council and asked if I could have a skip outside my house? "Certainly just where a mask and gloves" they said.