samc
Retro Guru
THE SALE IS NOT URGENT, THE BIKE IS! AAARGHHHHH LOOK HOW URGENT IT IS OMG OMG OMG OMG
Do you want to SOAR like an EAGLE? Do you have tiny wind-resistant eyes TOO?! Well, for a miniscule let's say £700 posted, you can have this absurdly over-specced retro cult icon and be worshipped in the STREETS like some sort of egyptian GOD KING slash QUEEN!
The bike I had BEFORE this beauty was a Jekyll, then before that I had a Mt Vision, nothing, nothing compares to this BEAUT - I used to crash on every corner of every woodland path, on every kerb of every road until I bought this from a TRAVELLING WIZARD and all my DREAMS came true and I was able to SOAR, SURGEON-LIKE through the hills and fields of the shires, trailing adoring hobbits behind me and carrying their various trinkets to the fires of MOUNT DOOM. But now that I have finished saving middle earth, it is for sale and I shall diminish into the west etc.
*if you buy this bike, you will become more strong
*you can also buy this bike off of The Ebay (there's more photos there) for substantially more money, and I will wait much longer before posting it, and I will fart into the handlebar before posting, I don't know why I said that it just came out in a self-saboutaging pip, I think I need more counselling: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/275877706227
*includes original XTR chainrings and XTR shifter and even the crap ELO module I ripped out of the lefty, frankly that ELO module was Cannondale's lowest point even if you count the recent soulless zombie bikes they're churning out of a sweatshop somewhere, but the rest of the bike is made of the pure magics and is the iconic culmination of everything good about late 90s mountain bike design
*for an additional £8 I will include a photo of a dog
*weighs less than 25lbs, which for a full suspension bike with chunky tyres is a bit absurd if you ask me
*no dents I SAID NO DENTS
*size-wise would suit a moderate jungle cat or anything with a torso length in the region of heavy-goat-to-dwarf-pony
*made of magic runes
*contains eagle beaks
*only selling as too many people crowd around me crying and tossing off their clothes while I try and ride it, it's getting ridiculous
*no more words just throw your money at me now many thanks, why have you even read this far? That's right, because URGENT CANNONDALE, and it can be yourrrrrrrsssssss
*dies*
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£649, though they come with a 20 year-old bicycle attached
