None of you guys know me. I contribute to Today's Ride and occasionally buy bits and pieces on the forum. I suppose I'm a fringe contributor. I don't know if this is appropriate but I'm going to unload it here.
I recently hit 50, and have nothing to show for it. I have no kids of my own and I'm living back with my mum. My 40's were the worst decade of my adult life. They opened with me running my own very successful business: and shortly after my 40th meeting a woman I would later marry. That's where it all started to go wrong.
I'd just been through a phase of casual relationships when along came something that, on the surface at least, appeared to be the real deal. She literally threw herself at me. I couldn't believe my luck. It was an absolute whirlwind. I'd moved in with her after a week. On the surface the relationship was idyllic. I was very much mistaken. It was all a game. She turned out to be a monster. I was subjected to covert and systematic financial and emotional abuse for 5 years. It was a soap opera. Horror upon horror. Identity fraud, credit card fraud, benefit fraud, defrauding my parents and sister out of large sums of money behind my back. Ccj's, bailiffs and loan sharks. Members of her family demanding 10's of thousands of pounds to pay off debts she owed them. There was always drama: at home, at work, wherever she went. She had me physically assaulted on a couple of occasions. It never stopped.
There was always an excuse, an explanation, or her ex was to blame. Her stories weren't always watertight though, and she was a poor liar. When she got found out or couldn't explain herself she would turn on the waterworks and say that I was abusing her, just like her ex did.
She was always pushing for money. Everything was about money. I was never working hard enough. More overtime, longer hours, more expense, always more more more. By the time I cottoned on to the fact it was all a scam she was deeply embroiled in two affairs and planning her escape. She was playing the two guys off against each other. When I confronted her it was like a switch had been flipped. She gave me two weeks to 'get out'. I'd sold my business and all the money was gone. It was horrible. For the first time in my life I had debt and a lot of it. What a fool I'd been.
I met my next partner whilst I was still messed up and getting divorced. She was completely different: well educated, sophisticated, self respecting, responsible, or so I thought. This time we progressed much more slowly. Once we'd moved in together and the 'honeymoon period' was over reality struck and the relationship became a source of disappointment. We weren't equal, never would be, and I was fooling myself to think otherwise. Lip-service was paid to my thoughts and feelings, but in reality, whatever I had to say was unimportant and largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. I was constantly undermined, shot down or overruled. I couldn't believe how often I was wrong. As a consequence no matter what I did I couldn't earn the respect of her kids. I'd never had a problem with my ex-wife's kids. Major decisions were made without my input, and the elephant in the room was a deepening chasm of debt on a journey to a place I'd been before. All in pursuit of an unsustainable lifestyle to compete for the affection of her children with her narcissistic ex-husband. So ridiculous were the lengths she went to, that when it came to her divorce she gave him everything he wanted, so as not to be the source of conflict in the eyes of her kids. My role was simple, I was there to provide financial support, and nothing else. He made no contribution at all, yet she let him come into our home against my wishes, as and when he pleased. He would regularly insult and belittle me in Spanish, only ever speaking in his native tongue when I was present.
Respite came for two days in every 14, when the kids were with their dad. That and the time out on my bike, which was ever increasing. The final straw was a default letter, which she'd left out and then had the gall to lie about. There was a place I had no intention of revisiting. It was time to go.
It's now a year since I left Jo. I think I'm a better person for it, although it doesn't always feel that way.
Stress? My doctor is now talking about stopping the medication I take for hypertension because my blood pressure has dropped so much. My life would have been much shorter had I stayed. Although it nearly was after I left, but I've managed to work through most of that, for the time being.
At the end of the decade, I find myself in a demoralising and dangerous dead end government job, where I haven't had a pay rise in 7 years. I'm wiser but weaker. Life has caught up with me and I get a bit panicky, wondering where the time went and how I ended up here.
Some days posting on this forum is all that keeps me going...
I recently hit 50, and have nothing to show for it. I have no kids of my own and I'm living back with my mum. My 40's were the worst decade of my adult life. They opened with me running my own very successful business: and shortly after my 40th meeting a woman I would later marry. That's where it all started to go wrong.
I'd just been through a phase of casual relationships when along came something that, on the surface at least, appeared to be the real deal. She literally threw herself at me. I couldn't believe my luck. It was an absolute whirlwind. I'd moved in with her after a week. On the surface the relationship was idyllic. I was very much mistaken. It was all a game. She turned out to be a monster. I was subjected to covert and systematic financial and emotional abuse for 5 years. It was a soap opera. Horror upon horror. Identity fraud, credit card fraud, benefit fraud, defrauding my parents and sister out of large sums of money behind my back. Ccj's, bailiffs and loan sharks. Members of her family demanding 10's of thousands of pounds to pay off debts she owed them. There was always drama: at home, at work, wherever she went. She had me physically assaulted on a couple of occasions. It never stopped.
There was always an excuse, an explanation, or her ex was to blame. Her stories weren't always watertight though, and she was a poor liar. When she got found out or couldn't explain herself she would turn on the waterworks and say that I was abusing her, just like her ex did.
She was always pushing for money. Everything was about money. I was never working hard enough. More overtime, longer hours, more expense, always more more more. By the time I cottoned on to the fact it was all a scam she was deeply embroiled in two affairs and planning her escape. She was playing the two guys off against each other. When I confronted her it was like a switch had been flipped. She gave me two weeks to 'get out'. I'd sold my business and all the money was gone. It was horrible. For the first time in my life I had debt and a lot of it. What a fool I'd been.
I met my next partner whilst I was still messed up and getting divorced. She was completely different: well educated, sophisticated, self respecting, responsible, or so I thought. This time we progressed much more slowly. Once we'd moved in together and the 'honeymoon period' was over reality struck and the relationship became a source of disappointment. We weren't equal, never would be, and I was fooling myself to think otherwise. Lip-service was paid to my thoughts and feelings, but in reality, whatever I had to say was unimportant and largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. I was constantly undermined, shot down or overruled. I couldn't believe how often I was wrong. As a consequence no matter what I did I couldn't earn the respect of her kids. I'd never had a problem with my ex-wife's kids. Major decisions were made without my input, and the elephant in the room was a deepening chasm of debt on a journey to a place I'd been before. All in pursuit of an unsustainable lifestyle to compete for the affection of her children with her narcissistic ex-husband. So ridiculous were the lengths she went to, that when it came to her divorce she gave him everything he wanted, so as not to be the source of conflict in the eyes of her kids. My role was simple, I was there to provide financial support, and nothing else. He made no contribution at all, yet she let him come into our home against my wishes, as and when he pleased. He would regularly insult and belittle me in Spanish, only ever speaking in his native tongue when I was present.
Respite came for two days in every 14, when the kids were with their dad. That and the time out on my bike, which was ever increasing. The final straw was a default letter, which she'd left out and then had the gall to lie about. There was a place I had no intention of revisiting. It was time to go.
It's now a year since I left Jo. I think I'm a better person for it, although it doesn't always feel that way.
Stress? My doctor is now talking about stopping the medication I take for hypertension because my blood pressure has dropped so much. My life would have been much shorter had I stayed. Although it nearly was after I left, but I've managed to work through most of that, for the time being.
At the end of the decade, I find myself in a demoralising and dangerous dead end government job, where I haven't had a pay rise in 7 years. I'm wiser but weaker. Life has caught up with me and I get a bit panicky, wondering where the time went and how I ended up here.
Some days posting on this forum is all that keeps me going...
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