I understand that the following will be in next weeks Hope Clarion
"Local celebrity felled by out of town thugs by Crispen Molehusband
The tranquil peace and quiet of Hope was shattered on Saturday last when the scourge of Broken Britain descended on our village. Incredibly, Beatrice Blower, stalwart of the WI (as anyone who has tasted her Victorian sponge will agree) was assaulted in plain sight by an out of towner.
PC Copper, the first of the emergency services on the scene, takes up the tale "It was a beautiful Saturday and I was at home tending to the wife's garden when I got the call. They said that it was possibly a 187 so, to my wife's dismay, I immediately got dressed and hotfooted it to scene. What I saw dismayed me - an elderly lady , visibly shaken, with a middle aged helmeted man standing over her. It appeared to be a misunderstanding as he helped Beatrice to her feet; only later was his true intent revealed".
Three days later, Beatrice was finally able to comment "I was strolling in town when I noticed a scruffy old bike - it looked just like the one stolen from my nephew in 1991. I stopped to examine it more closely when I was jostled to the ground by a relatively young man. He was foaming at the mouth and muttering about 'respect'. I must say that I didn't care for his attitude much but I was placated to a degree when he eventually, with a accomplice, helped me to my feet. I was so shaken that it was only when I got home that I noticed that my purse was gone. Heartless little ****".
A pal of the perpetrator commented "I think the Big Man misunderstood our banter and inadvertently unleashed the hurt on an elderly lady. I have to admit, after the initial shock, he was surrounded by a baying mob, goading him on. And I'm ashamed that I was party to the goading".
Is no place on our fair isle free of this scourge? Is our community no longer safe? Be careful, this terror is spreading from the city and doesn't always wear a hoodie. Oh, if only Diana was only here.
The identity of the shameless assailant is unknown but he was reported to have a website address on his very tight fitting jersey. The Hope Cyber Squad are looking into this but in the meantime if anyone knows more about this crime, please contact Hope Police Station on ........... "
Apparently a freelance photographer has offered images, gratis.