Well whilst paint is drying and I'm sitting comfortably .....are you? ....I'll recount another episode of adventures and misadventures .....no gore this time....
It's all about ......
Part 1......
"Bad badger"
Now seeing as I had a decent bike and I'd get Β£4.50 everyday for a train fare and lunch at school it didn't take long to figure out that if I rode to and from school and skipped lunch I'd have Β£22.50 in my pocket by Friday
....well about a mile from home there was a pub ....a real den of mayhem....if you were tall enough to see over the bar and had means to pay you got served
Sweeeeeeeet.....so no surprise Mickey would stumble in late Friday night right royally slaughtered
Now just below my old house was some steps up an old cliff....great fun riding down them and sometimes up if you got the technique right....and after these steps was a very narrow steep path with really high banks either side....basically a gulley. As usual when slaughtered I'd stop at the top of the steps to see if the world would stop spinning for a bit...it never did ! so push on ....it's dark I've got no lights I'm pushing the bike with one hand and using the other in a bump and go fashion to make forward progress and I hear a sound....it's getting louder... a kinda grunty noise with the sound of claws on gravel....hhhmmmmm..
.I've no idea where from I don't even know which ways up or down let alone left right forward back....then bang!!
I just got barged by a badger and it's coming back for another go
I can see teeth now it's close enough .....so for a while I'm wobbling around stuck in a gulley bashing a badger on the bonce with my bike and kicking it to not get bit!
Evidently I woke up some neighbours as I'd started to roar thinking that might help
Well I won that scrap ...grumpy badger buggered off!
Moral of "bad badger" always be prepared ! ....a good stout bike made of steel.... obviously I'd recommend a GT ....can and will serve you proud when you need it most.
Part 2....
"Badgers revenge"
So like most of us muddy MTB riders I did fancy myself as a bit of a racer
this season I was gonna get me a win...oh yes we'll at least a podium....top ten then.....anything but middle of the field ....again...
Race prep was key wasn't it? Couple of good night's sleep induced by heavy sessions...sound diet of a greasy Chinese on the stumble home and of course hours and hours of fettling the bike!
Ooooh look at handsome.....damn that bike was good looking....dunno about the silly tw@t riding it tho...
Four finger levers! What a Wooossieee...
So at that point the photo was taken I was doing rather well for myself....yes! My race prepping and tough training regime was paying off
I'd deployed the gentlemanly tactics at the start of elbows and bar ends.....great way of softening up the opposition nothing wrong with a bit of argy bargy ! I was third.....and coming up to the first lap....only two more after that.....confidence was high....I'm having it
So let's recap .....race prep!
The night before race you got smashed of course and woke up late....turn up ...sign up ...line up and go!
Hmmm no walking the course then? Huh?
Now someone out there has a VHS tape.....92 yew tree farm? .....camera man said that was the most spectacular stack he'd ever seen....
So I'm third....I'm huffing I'm puffing I'm going full beans...better to burn out than fade away.....
Sharp left down a really steep hill all slimy sticky clay ....hold your speed into a sharp 90 degree right.....
Hit it....drop inside leg let it slide catch it and get back on the crank.....that was the plan....at this point possibly for a millisecond the idea of walking the course popped into my mind before flight.
At 45Β° across the corner is ......a collapsed....... badger set..........front wheel axle depth.....outside of corner? 10 foot drop into a very stinky gooey ditch and of course bramble lined for that extra tingling sensation!
If you have that VHS tape .....I'd love to see it again
Moral of the story?
Don't mess with Badgers...they always win.
Wonder if my paints dry yet?