Mountain Mayhem 2012 - the Aftermath

[drystonepaul]

Heathy: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742882 ... otostream/

Matthew71: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742880 ... otostream/

JB666: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742866 ... otostream/

Cannondaleking: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742865 ... otostream/

Nice knapsack: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742862 ... otostream/

HarryCrumb: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742859 ... otostream/

Cavendish: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742858 ... otostream/

TedC and JB666: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742855 ... otostream/

 

[drystonepaul]

A couple more...

theredchili: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/salsaboy/7 ... 0268980544

Cannodaleking: --> http://www.flickr.com/photos/salsaboy/7 ... 0268980544

 

[orange71]

Mr K

http://www.flickr.com/photos/brf/742875 ... 0256241270

 

[Kestonian]

Has anyone seen results yet?

 

[mrkawasaki]

Another dismal event rescued entirely by the spirit that is Retrobike! Ever since Max and I erected the gazebo trackside in 2008 and fired up 'Eye of the Tiger', the Retrobike community found its real purpose at Mayhem - to lift out of the Eastnor mire the spirits of the broken and to reduce the 'serious' competitors to the levels of mere mortals.

Friday's departure was pitiful - 90 minutes of loading in torrential Manchester rain meant another shower and change of clothes, before sluicing down the M6. Atrocious, non-existent organisation on Friday night (are you reading Wiggle??) left fellow man in van/car stand-offs on the laughable one-way system and then ignominiously figthting for patches of swamp land. Both my T4 and remaining morale were sucked lower and lower towards the lake before being claimed by the ooze. As the mental clouds rolled over again my mood was averted by Spence's brew and a willing army of pushers. Camp was finally built 5 hours after arrival on a small inhospitable slope but the best of the evening had gone - International Tag Jenga remained in the van and plans of steak au poivre were binned.

Saturday's Captain's Breakfast had the Inner Chimps agree a 2 lap pact to set a modest target and retain our remaining sanity, with Martin choosing (read: 'persuaded') to banish any remaining holiday joie de vivre by taking on the first lap duty. He was back in a couple of hours in an unrecognisable state, which meant it'd probably take me three. I selected my huge Ritchey for it's day-ride position, but wishful thinking allowed me to presume that early generation Ground Controls would cope with the conditions.

A promising first half lap was symbolically brought to an end as the rear failed to grip the hessian on the bridge, moving us seamlessly onto a trial by gloop. An already weighty bike nearly doubled its heft, with a dollop of added friction added for good measure at the brakes, the derailleurs and the cranks. 'Walking' implies some good progress - this would be misleading. A full hour of trudging disconsolately next to my bike was further diminished by the entrance to the arena. My stick-like legs cramped at the knees in such a manner never before experienced. I couldn't actually walk! I looked at the marshall and was about to ask for assistance, but the onlooking crowd forced me to remount and pedal on to the handover.

Cider formed an important part of my immediate recovery programme, along with steak, pasta and copious amounts of red wine. The weather remaining dry for the afternoon deluded me into thinking it was not so bad after all. I got the spare amp out and spun a few tunes as the rain hove back into view. 'Weak Become Heroes' seemed an appropriate ditty to play as the hardy few ventured out into the gloom.

For reasons only my analyst may be able to fathom, I'd decided to get both of my laps out of the way on Saturday, so began to prepare for a 10.45pm departure. The concerned look on my teammates faces sowed the seeds of doubt - was discretion really the better part of valour? I guess I was about to find out...

Woody and Gav thankfully prepped the Ritchey again, rectifying a number of faults gained on it's first outing - headset loose, seat too low, brakes inoperative, vegetable matter in every conceivable orifice. They also festooned me with lights, having made mockery of my sole borrowed device. I loaded my Local Motion bag with two Scotch eggs and brandy in the hip flask, kissed my family goodbye and slipped into the night.

Squelching along the drag to the Kenda Climb quickly acclimatised me to the joyless endeavour that lay before me. The beams of the various lights picking out the raindrops and converting them to jagged shards of shiny falling glass, the wind whipping up my back converting sweaty clothing into a miserable all-over cold compress.

On the upside, the rain had loosened the clart into a more liquid form and the swap to skinny tyres meant some actual riding in places. Nevertheless it was a 2 hr 30m slog to the finish, arriving back at an empty Retrobike tent like the drowned dog I was. A quick rub down, brandy and the remaining egg in the quivering tent, before 'lights out' around 1.30am.

Awaking to the relief that I would not be required to circumnavigate the course once more, lifted my spirits, along with the cheers and jeers coming from the heckling tent down the hill. I thanked my lucky stars that the van was in a position to be able to leave the site without recourse to a tractor-pull and began the packing process as the skipper completed the Inner Chimps dubious mission.

In summary - a truly awful Mayhem experience made only bearable by fellow Retrobikers. For this I thank you all!

Honourable mentions:

Skipper DSP - showing signs of shaking off his Sinnett tutelage
Woody - calm and controlled
The Crumb - rock of the team
Edwards - less can be more
DJs Makstar and Gump - more and merrier
JV - keeping it real on the Mirage
Wizard of Oz - turning up
Jo and Ev - support beyond the call of duty

I dedicate my night lap to Max...

 

[orange71]

We did have some competition from the Turtles across the way of course, a highlight being their impromptu free public bar early on Sunday morning:

"Stella Artois, sir? Wife beater?"
"Some pale ale, sir?"
"Magners, sir? Nobody has failed the bridge on Magners. Use the power of Magners!"
"1664 for 1652, madam?"
"Special turtle juice, sir?"

and many many more...

 

[The Ken]

" I loaded my Local Motion bag with two Scotch eggs and brandy in the hip flask, kissed my family goodbye and slipped into the night. "

Favourite quote so far

 

[Gruff]

What a Great weekend (sort of)

Well, i'd paid my £32 for a spot on the ten man Flatlanders team and was looking forward to a nice bright weekend.

Didn't get it did i

This was the first time i had ridden at Mayhem, having attended last year just to drink in the atmosphere.

With the first 5 laps being already take up by other team members & most of them being around " hours it looked like i was going to be starting my lap on Sunday morning.
There were no takers for laps after Dan (danson67) on Sat night as the heavy rain had set in so we decided to call it quits till the morning.
I decided that i would take the 1st stint at 5am which mean't the alarm went off at 4am :?

Anyway when i awoke the rain had stopped and it was getting brighter
I got myself ready and made my way to the start.
I was lucky that i didn't have to wait for a handover so off i went on my maiden Mayhem lap

I wish i could say that i enjoyed it but that would be a lie. It was bloody hard work for an overweight,unfit 42 year old :?
It was mainly slow plugging or pushing an ever increasingly heavy bike.
I got to the bridge in about 1.5 hours and in the last bit before getting there i did think about throwing in the towel but seeing 3 RB members at base camp made me realize i had to finish the lap,so over the bridge and onwards i went.The climb to the monument was a horrible hike but seeing the downhill back to the arena spurred me on, "not far to go" i thought......how wrong i was
Anyway cut cut a waffling old bloke short, i eventually got to said downhill (after a few spills due to not being able to un-clip from my pedals, and no amount of squirting with water & cleaning out with a stick would cure) and made my way to Retrobike corner.I quickly found i had practically no brakes so had to try to zig zag my way to the bombhole.luckily i managed to stay on line and get through without incident.As i came over the road i could hear the heckling but as i came round the corner it gave me an amazing boost to hear all the cheers and "Go Retro" shouts

So just the last bit to go, under the bridge and into the bog at the bottom of the hill, there was a big deep looking puddle in the middle of the track so i thought i'd go round the edge but as soon as my front wheel hit the water it dropped to the bottom of a very deep ditch and over the bars i went :roll:
Luckily there was someone to help pick me up as both feet were still clipped in.Once back on my feet i tried to ride up the hill towards the finish straight but it was so gloopy i had to get off and push.I did ride the finish straight though
And that was my first Mayhem lap over
I trudged back to camp had a cup of tea & went for a shower.

I said at the beginning of this post that it wasn't enjoyable, well i lied, it was a fantastic weekend made all the better by all the RB'ers who attended

A few to mention are:

GT-Steve who gave me a lift in the Silver Mean Machine.
REKIBorter for organizing the Flatlanders team and collecting our medals
The Guv'nor for his tireless work organizing all of us
Spencer the the lovely RB beer
Phill77 for making me not bail out at 1130pm Sat night.

Looking forward to a dry ride next year

 

[rc200ti]

So much fun it's almost indecent.

Highlights:
1 Hearing the rain thundering on the car roof at 3.00 in the morning and knowing that when my lap started at about 4.30 it wouldn't be too gloopy.
2 Leaving the Start, pedalling downhill into the mire at the bottom and knowing that I'd been right and all would be well.
3 Arriving at the bridge an hour later to an empty heckling tent. I did ride the bridge ( and don't give me the 'no photos and it didn't happen line'. If you can't be bothered to be there.....)
4 Passing people on the downhills using my mastered technique of only trying to regain control when it REALLY mattered.
5 Reaching the heckling tent at 6.50 to find the East Mids folk there to heckle.... bliss.
6 That extra bit of effort required within 10 meters of the finishing line.

Some great heckling Retrobike. You brought a grin to many haggard faces. The Sunday duet with the Ninjas must be repeated.

Can't wait for next year, bet it's even more fun in the dry, but probably less memorable.

 

[Tazio]

You're all bloody heroes. Well done to all involved.