Hey, at least it will not fall victim to the dreaded.... FAT TRIANGLE!
A supernatural phenoma similar to the Bermuda Triangle, but affecting mountain bikes only made by Fat City Cycles. Fat's from all over the world have been disappearing into this mysterious area of southern Scotland and northern England at an ever increasing pace. With the exception of a Yellow Fat Chance Yo Eddy, these bikes are rarely seen in the wild ever again. Head of the Retrobike Science Team, the reknowned 'Dr S' was unfortunately unavailable for comment.
If I could afford it, I'd get one and have disc mounts welded on front and back just to piss off you connoisseurs. Gawd, think how great that would be!