The Ballad of Kielder Burn
O'er the border did four vile Scots clonk,
all bright colour'd lycra and steeds that were shonk,
wi lashings of haggis and Irn of Brew,
to be slain by the swords o Saints Andy, Si and Drew.
Inch by inch the saltaire was torn,
on blood red battlefield that Octoberfest morn.
And o'er said border did those MacRetro flee
from Knights of St George, vain warriors three.
And naer again shall Scotsmen boast,
when faced wi those Saints who bide by the coast.
For lessons wer learn'd on that bloody day
That the English are real men and Scots are all gay.