So festive frolics 2022 is done and dusted (well more mudded than dusted)!
We had four intrepid explorers from the Macretro clan, Velo, Clubby, OCP and yours truly along with a couple of guest riders in Kenny and Benji, so a decent turn out.
Three of us started from my house after a sumptuous breakfast of finest Scottish meaty produce, lovingly fired in hand squeezed olive oil over an open flame fire (or elecy hob as we say in fife). I didn’t appreciate the negative comments over the well fired/non burnt roll confusion which kicked off the whole days shitey banter to be honest. Luckily my recently acquired trusty guard dog Ochil kept the interlopers on their toes!
Off we went (clubby minus some of his sparse hair which ochil had a taste for) following some urban paths to meet up with the rest of the lads in the Glen (Pittencrief park). The weather was rather moist at this point but that would not deter hardy men like us or indeed Velo in his ghetto waterproof shorts, trousers, galoshes or WTF they were. Yours truly had an endura delivery from santa so was the fashionista of the bunch.
Out we headed to Deans plantation, along some soggy and muddy farm tracks which set the scene for the first part of the day. At the first forest road we came across our first obstacle, a water feature (huge flooded section) which I carefully navigated across, at which point Benji (taking revenge for Brexit) drove what felt like a fecking fishing trawler past me which almost engulfed me in his wake, luckily the aforementioned endura gear stood up to the test, proving once again that we Scots are more than a match for those pesky Frenchies (please tell me we beat them at the last rugby encounter).
Anyhoo onto a boggy section which we all failed miserably to conquer, and then on to a once brilliant section of trail which storm Arwen has blown his spell over which resulted in some fancy limbo dancing for the taller gentlemen and a slight duck of the head for the vertically challenged amongst us.
From deans we headed west on the alloa cycle path at a pace the peleton would be envious of, quickly reaching the next section of west fife woodland and down to the rather lovely Bluther Burn/glen down towards Culross.
In Culross we had our first cake/coffee stop of the day. Due to excellent forethought and intensive planning by the unappreciated ride organiser the excellent Biscuit Café was open to serve up a warning broth to our weary bunch. The good lady host also beckoned us inside to sit by the roaring fire, at which point Clubby decided to bring out his strawberry cock(s), the good lady beat a hasty retreat inside (presumably to look for a magnifying glass) and jock poured his frothy liquid all over Benji’s helmet and Velo’s nose in a decidedly dirty menage a trois . We decided this was an opportune time to make a runner before fife constabulary arrived.
Heading back east around preston island gave us lovely views over to Mordor (Grangemouth) and the Pentlands which had Velo pining for home.
Next up the fife coastal path towards Charleston and Limekilns for our second coffee stop and some more gay innuendo chat no doubt. Unfortunately Kenny and Benji could take no mare and beat a hasty farewell due to Benji being freezing (typical French) and Kenny having to work in the afternoon. The innkeeper at Charleston was less welcoming mainly due to me going in looking like I had just crawled onto land from the Forth such was the amount of mud. Either that he had been warned about Clubbys strawberry cock.
As the day was getting longer and our legs more wearied we tok the direct route from Limekilns back to Dunfermline. Alas the heathen did not even take up my offer to show them some cultural history at the actual Lime Kilns.
The route back to Dunfermline was at least very entertaining, some of the single track was what felt axle dep in mud which led to some highly entertaining trials riding by Velo on his narrow tyred, rim braked steed, luckily the has not lost any of his famous off road riding skills and there was no entertaining dismount for us to review endlessly. Even OCP managed the whole ride without falling off, albeit the pace of the Peleton was taking its toll on our elderly statesman at this stage but fair play neebs ye completed the ride without a word of compliant (ok that’s a lie).
Back to the glen taking the lads on the scenic route for a final photo opportunity and then to say farewell to Velo which will hopefully not be for as long as his last visit to the Kingdom and then back to my gaff for a quick hose down, more cock chat and then bidding fcuk off to Clubby and OCP.
Brilliant day lads, thoroughly enjoyed it along with your company. Pics attached along with a drone pic i found of the preston island ruins, if only we had read that sign to know what they were.
Heres to the next one and 2022 being better for us all.