was thinking about you and those "amish" burds years ago
what a night that was ......
we used to go out a saturday night , to a night club called bentleys ,the 80's mind
so this saturday night me rob spency and the fury were out on the pull
after a few beers rob says its dip the dog time , thing he forgot was it was his turn
dip the dog was a "game" that took the form of getting your hands inside a young ladies pants
i wont go a lot further on this but lets say that proof was required
"who? then if its my turn" said rob , 1 off those 2 amish girls says the fury
now i'm not aware of an amish community in fife (now i think about it there might be one
in keithyr's woods ) but these girls had the look and dress sense of someone somewhat god fearing
so of he went and we watched ,both the these girls had similar full coverage dresses one red and one a sort of pale blue
rob was in there , they loved him ,giggling and acting all coy ,ten minutes later he returned , "proof" said the fury
just watch said rob , as he said this the one in the blue dress turned round ,putting her back to us
christ ,he'd only gone and tucked her dress into her pants
a large round of hagerty's special cocktails ensued (rob's favorite ) so come kicking out time i felt a bit ill to say the
least , we wandered out side to see if we could mooch a lift home , nope
even my friend lorna wouldnt entertain us , worried we'd puke in her car , she had a really nice datsun triple s coupe
all shiny black with chrome wire wheels ,i liked lorna , she liked me , but it was not to be, ahh well love lost and all that
she still looks good today ( a bit vorderman like ) , complete psycho tho by all accounts from her 5 previous husbands !!
rob appeared from the shadows of the car park, the amish girls behind him a bit ,
the one in the red dress looked as tho she had been sick down her front
"right lads lets go an starvin " said rob , just at that a bright orange mirafiore did a clumbsy handbrake turn in front of us
" wahheeey scotty you got here " said rob so we all jumped in ,it was spazzy scott in his dads car ,2ltr of twin cam fiat
" to tobys chip emporium my man and dont spare the horses" " what you on about rob " " just drive " so we shot off and covered the 4 miles to toby's
in about 2 minutes , now the village that tobys chippy and another called doms are in are famous for the pubs
and the rather bohemien atmosphere that pervades there , and the chippys are open till about 4 in the morning ,so everyone
heads there after a night out add to that the station /ship/corner shop/junction pubs /function rooms and it gets a bit
busy on a saturday night
this was a fine night tho mid summer warm full moon and (as at the height of summer up here never really dark)
in the chippy orders were placed .3 bags of chips and a "saturday night king diners special" (curry rice and chips) for rob
we jumped back into the motor and sped off " did ye get me fish supper " said scott " did you want one ?" said rob
"wohaa slow down man , lookin for any spare skirt " , the junction was emptying we rolled down to walking pace ,rob eyeing the
spare skirt , none
as we hit the dual carrigeway at the towns limits scott buried the pedal
rob started muttering , then turned to us lot in the back , whiilst spitting a mouthfull of saturday night king back into the
carton ."youse want this ,its about a million degrees and boggin " at that point he wound the window down
then he hurled it out the window , we were doing about 90 at this point scott intent on hitting 120 before having to brake for the
next roundabout
as rob let the parcel of red hot chips rice and vindaloo sauce go ,i had an epiffeny ,one of those moments that stays in your head
in video format , you can recall it at any time , you know what i mean , your first born appearing for the first time
your first kiss etc , well for me it consists of a couple , arm in arm ,him in a white suit ,possibly a tux and her in a white speckelled
fir coat , her long dark permed hair tumbling down her sholders ,her head resting gently on his shoulder , a vision of love
this scene of romance spoiled in a nanosecond by a red hot portion of "saturday night king diners special" over the pair of them
jeezus they would be picking rice out their ears for weeks after that
an hour later i was in my bed ,giggling like a wee girl , i played the scinarios over in my head again and again
the dry cleaners , "thats no gonna come out pal"
2 weeks on " that stuff's ruined my hair colour"
and in their dotage "do you remember the night those louts threw that hot curry at us from that speeding car dear"
happy daze
